Morning Time

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Dear Benson,

Today you are 6 days old.  This last week has been heaven with you here.  I forgot how special it was to have a newborn at our house.  I love morning time, especially right after I feed you.  I love snuggling you.  I love seeing your little hands and feet and feeling your sweet baby skin against mine.  I love seeing your little dimple you have in your cheek.  I love your little dinosaur cry (which H and A call squeaks).  I love your sweetness and goodness. You brought heaven with you when you came to our family!

I love you forever and am glad that we get to be together forever!

Love, your Mama

Miracle and Miracles

Sunday morning, July 19, 2015

Here I sit.  Blaine is at church with H and A and I am here admiring and snuggling this new little miracle that joined our family on Wednesday.

I had told everyone in the days previous that I thought it would be fun to have this baby on 7.15.15.  On Tuesday, I found out that I was dilated to a 4.   I made my favorite dinner that night in case it was the last home-cooked meal I would have in a few days. Then I went on a few walks on Tuesday night, including one long 2 hour walk with my sister-in-law Jamie around the BYU-Idaho track from 10 p.m. until midnight.  I got home and wasn't able to go to sleep.  I noticed the contractions started around 2:30 A.M. Wednesday morning and by 3:45 noticed these were pretty different and more intense than the ones I have had for the past month or so.

I was afraid this baby would come super quick just like Afton did, so we woke up our saintly neighbors Shayne and MaryAnn and had one of them come watch our kiddos.  We couldn't get a hold of Blaine's sister, Jamie.  We drove to her apartment, where we attempted to wake her up by knocking loud, but no one in her aparment could hear us.  I woke up some of her neighbors (who were sleeping on the porch) and one of them climbed up on a balcony to knock on the window of her roommate.  Wow...that was a funny situation.  I was afraid she would fall and hurt herself, because it was raining so the balcony was all wet.

We headed down to hospital and checked in around 4:30.  I had Group B Strep so I wanted to make sure I had the prescription in time (supposed to be 4 hours before the birth of the baby).

One after after I got there I was dilated to a 5.  The whole rest of the day, up until about 2:30 was pretty chill.  I kept dilating slowly and it was just so calm.  I had studied Hypnobabies, so I rotated between listening to those tracks, listening to my favorite calm music, being on the birthing ball, getting in the shower and walking around the hospital.  I was to an 8 before I felt stressed and like it was hard to breathe through contractions.  I was at an 8 for a little while, and then the midwife suggested I try being in a few different positions and lifting my tummy up.  She thought the baby might be in just the wrong spot to be born.   After I tried these, contractions or "pressure waves" as hypnobabies calls them, got more intense and much harder to breathe through.  I got in the shower and then I felt like it was time to push. 

Ten minutes later, our baby came into the world.  I think because it had been such a calm day, there was a certain reverence there.  Me and Blaine and the nurses just all started crying.  I was the first one to notice it was a BOY!  The way the midwife was holding him was just the right angle for me to realize that this little baby wasn't what I thought it was going to be, (I have been wrong guessing about all my kids). This little boy had the cord wrapped around his neck three times as well as being wrapped around his chest a couple times.  He was blue and white, which kind of scared me.  As soon as the midwife got the cord un-wrapped, they placed him on my chest and he started to cry. As I held and snuggled this little boy for the first time, I felt this supreme joy and love and lucki-ness (is that a word?)  I realized how wonderful this moment is and felt this gratitude that I will never be able to put into words.  I fell in love more with my sweetheart Blaine and with my sweet baby boy.

As soon as things calmed down just a little, I thought, "this baby looks like a Benson."  This is a name that Blaine had suggested a few weeks before (inspired by Ezra Taft Benson).  I hadn't loved or disliked the name before that, it was just kind of neutral. 

The next few hours were so precious....feeding my baby boy for the first time.  Seeing his little hands and toes.  Seeing Blaine hold him for the first time.  Then it was my most favorite thing ever to introduce our baby to his older brother and sister.  Hyrum laughed at how "yittle" everything was about him.  Afton just wanted to play with his hair.  It was heaven on earth, right there in Room #15 at Mountain View Hospital in Idaho Falls, Idaho.

I loved the next couple days there.  I loved bathing him for the first time.  I loved watching them do his little physical evaluation.  I loved falling more and more in love with him.

Benson Blaine is a miracle that joined our family this week.  Perhaps the other miracles that have happened in my heart are too hard to describe and hard to write in words.  I just feel kind of transformed by this experience.  I want to enjoy life more.  I want to take the time to snuggle this little boy so much and not care if the house falls a part the next few months.  I want to love more and judge less.  I want to appreciate my family.  I want to thank Heavenly Father more.

Thank you, Heavenly Father, for my little miracle Benson, and for the miracles that have happened deep within this mama's heart this week.